OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
