I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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