It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
