The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
