So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
