Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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