i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
