In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Will exercising make me less horny?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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