didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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