Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
