oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
