he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize