the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
