i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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