booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
