apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
