Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
