uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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