he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
