This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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