Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
