I am in a vortex of obligation.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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