there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
