Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
