oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
