I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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