If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
