is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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