I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
