Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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