xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
