I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize