Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
