dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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