i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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