True but thats because hes a fetus.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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