I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
