weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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