if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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