$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
