P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
