My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
