You just made me feel so damn special
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize