awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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