Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
