I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
