Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize