I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize