Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
