you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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