what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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