u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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