Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize