i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
