It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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