I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Someone came in the potted fern
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
