Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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