i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Non-Jews are for practice
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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