how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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