i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Drunk is a universal language darling
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