Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
