Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
