you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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