I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
