so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
