Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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