hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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