So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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