So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
