worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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