How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
