So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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