I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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