If i come over, it means nothing
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
