He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
