And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Pooping to opera.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
