wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
