Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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