i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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