So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
