so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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