exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
