she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
