so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
COCAINE IS GR8
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
