Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
