I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
