Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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