He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
