Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
