If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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