Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
