so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
