so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
