watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
