Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
