just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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