I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
