My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize